Asperger's

Shape-shifted and formed before leaving the crib,
Words are rolled about for weaning,
Bounced off of tongue and tooth,
Silently chastised and bantered about.
(Should I use alliteration?
An allegory perhaps- but shall it muddy my meaning?)

My Isolde is not mine at all-
I have held them and loved them so much
In their youth- they have become their own.
Thus, like a late-aged Cronus
My children fall from my lips
A shameful glory if there ever was-

I am so fashioned and formed
In speech and thought that
Nature alone subdues the shape.
Raw in her unheeded power,
She reminds me of what men were
Wrought to make- namely, life and love.

She has no snytax but that of time
No diction (truth offers no choice.)
Her poems are silent, yet always speak
With a haunting and reverent voice.

It is here, among the altar of elms,
That I lay this burden, when words, like slaves
Threaten to forget their master.
I fall full of clumsiness, and speak like a child
In uneven, fitful bursts.

The veil I wear is invisible,
Yet complete-
No one pierces it but my wife.
Her love for me, and my love for her
Arms her with a lover's knife
That bares me- naked and weak
The words so formed, refuse to speak
Then crumble back to the clay and dust,
Leaving me mortal, for a moment at least.

Congress Caps Interest Rates on Payday Loans for Military Personnel

Apparently Congress has decided that payday loan businesses have been using "predatory" behavior to screw over military personnel. With loans averaging 400 percent annually (with some states allowing higher) people are falling into a financial black hole, one which sucks the money out of their pockets faster than they can make it.

I have four major problems with this legislation.

1) It's anti-capitalism. Although it's a nice gesture, I'm more of a laissez-faire economist. The market generally sorts itself out. There's a reason no one can sell a live chicken for $10,000- the market won't bear it. So the price is lowered until you find a willing buyer. This is true of all things- couches, platform shoes, antique furniture, etc. The price in a free market is what a customer is willing to pay.

If someone wants (or needs) to borrow money, they've obviously decided the "price" is good enough to do it. It might be highway robbery, but the other person doesn't have to help them in the first place.

2) It specifically targets military personnel. I admire the military, but perhaps we should pass legislation that will benefit all who use the payday loans, just not the men and women in uniform. Then again, I suppose it's okay if they use "predatory" lending practices on the guy who wanted to join the army but has a heart condition. Sheesh.

3) It fails to take into account what will happen as a result of this legislation. Either (a) payday loans will either stop giving military personnel loans- no one says they have to, or (b) they'll offset the loss in profits by ramping up the interest rates on non-military personnel. Or get one of their bazillion lawyers to find a way to tack on more "late fees" for both parties until the numbers add up. It's band-aid legislation passed around election time, meant to look good but do nothing particularly helpful.

4) Lastly, it fails to look into the reason the problem exists. Perhaps there's a reason that military personnel are forced to use payday loans? Perhaps they're not paid enough? Perhaps those who defend our right to do anything we please should make enough money where they don't have to hunt out the vultures of the lending world?

I'm sorry, that's logical and makes sense. Surely Congress would never understand.

So, instead of empowering them to direct their financial lives, we've only managed to slightly dull the moneylender's blade when he comes to take his pound of flesh. He still gets a ragged and bloody ounce, though, and the wound still bleeds just as much. However, thanks to #1 above, Congress won't raise wages until people come to the conclusion that the current salary isn't worth it, and move on. I can't imagine this story is really helping with military recruitment. Eventually, the numbers of those enlisting will force the issue to change.

Hiatus

I haven't been posting for a while.

Not sure why- perhaps the magic is gone. This will officially be my 481st post, and I'm dreadfully aware of how shallow the proverbial barrel has become.

It seems I must either take this blog in a different direction or just let it die a dishonorable death, left to rot among the vestiges of Internet carrion. It certainly wouldn't be the first.

I haven't decided quite yet what to do with this beast- when I do, I'll let everyone know.

Al-Qaeda Cracks Disney Vault, Preparing to Release Return from Witch Mountain on Unsuspecting Public

AP, Washington, D.C.-- Government authorities have learned that at 9:53 p.m. last night, Al-Qaeda terrorists managed to breach the top-level security at the Magic Kingdom. Details are scarce, but we do know that the Vault's location has changed several times, probably to thwart overly ambitious MGM executives.

However, no one could have foreseen this.

In a daring late night raid, terrorists seized such charming classics as The Apple Dumpling Gang and The Rocketeer. Mustard gas canisters and heavy-duty explosives were found among the ruins, quite possibly to explode the fourteen-inch steel walls that protect the cinematic masterpieces.

Even worse, after dealing with the extensive clean-up, they learned of the real target.

In an exclusive scoop, Al-Jazeera television released a filmed threat, stating that Return from Witch Mountain would soon be airing, simultaneously, on every American's TV. Mass chaos, quite expectedly, quickly ensued.

"I can take the fear of never leaving my home," said Ted Danderford, area resident, "but the acting of Christopher Lee? My God, man. My God."

Biking Log #3

Saturday I tried to bike to a nearby town, but gave up and turned around. It's difficult when you're not riding a loop, because you don't know how much gas you have in the tank to turn around. All said, though, I biked roughly 10.5 miles in an hour.

Today I headed south, and found a new road that I think will become my favorite. It carves its way through the earth- probably was once a horse trail- and has little traffic. In fact, only one car passed me the whole time.

I biked 38 minutes and 12 seconds.
I traveled 7.177 miles.
My average speed was 11.3 miles per hour.
My top speed was 26.7 miles per hour.

Biking Log #2

I biked on Tuesday, but I forgot to reset the biking calculator so I didn't have any hard facts to share. However, thanks to rudimentary calculations on my part, I can say my performance was about the same as on Monday.

Wednesday I took a break. On Thursday I walked for thirty-five minutes on the treadmill, since I had gotten home to late to bike.

Today was different.

Today I rode 6.099 miles.
My time was 28:00 minutes even.
My max speed was 23.8 mph. (On Tuesday I hit a good hill and topped 30.)
My average speed was 13.1 mph.

The difference between an average 13 mph and 10 mph is amazing. My legs feel like stiff Jello, if that makes any sense.

Time to sit on the couch and watch TV.

This is me.

Soon, I want to get a backpack and a walking stick and wander into the deep woods. Perhaps early Saturday morning. I want to spend hours just looking and thinking about the things I see and the things I think. I'm tired of society, and need a break.

I'll come back before the sun comes down, and fit in as best I can with the surrounding world. But I don't want to lose a part of myself in the effort.

I've always suspected that I have a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Basically, it's characterized by those who have weak social or communication skills. It can gradate, meaning that some have a very severe form (more akin to autism) and others just have a dash, so to speak.

Most of the social and communication skills I've developed in my life have been quantified, not actually learned. Communication is easier, due to the fact that words are words, and sprung forth from the speaker to stand on their own. Watching movies and reading classic literature as a child gave me a splendid vocabulary, which I latched onto. (Most of those with AS have a extraordinary vocabulary for this reason.)

Social situations are harder. I can do it- I frequently have to- but it's not me. It's a guise learned from other social situations and by watching others. I basically play a part for the person I'm talking to. Maintaining the false layer of insulation is exhausting. But as a result, I've become an adept observer of others.

For example, in the class I'm currently in, I can guess with perhaps 90% accuracy the answer to the professor's "yes" or "no" questions, just from her body language and the nuance she places on the last syllable. It's slight, but it's there. But, unlike others, the instinct is not there- I must rationally listen for it and make a predictive hypothesis based on past situations. It's hard to explain.

My social situations are not usually a problem because either (a) my personality is such that I avoid social situations, or (b) my disorder has shaped my personality such that I have been led to avoid social situations. Sadly, my social threshold is so low that I receive all the social interaction- aside from my wife and our respective families- I would ever want from this blog. I'm a recluse, I guess you'd say. I don't hate people, but I also don't feel an undying need to connect with them. I understand that most people don't feel that way, and I understand the normal human desire to connect with other humans. I just, in large part, don't share that drive.

So that's me.

The Camry rolls again...

On Sunday I finally installed my radiator. It took longer than expected, and I had to have some help, but it's fixed. The new hoses fit great and everything is where it's supposed to be. She's been running for two days now, and no temperature issues to report. I should probably check the oil, though.

She cost $600. The alternator I put in cost $100, and the new radiator I put in cost $140. Odds and ends have run roughly $100 for necessary parts, including oil and a new spare tire.

So for the past six months, operating costs have been around $340. Not bad for six months of (mostly) dependable transportation. Car price included, that runs to about $5 dollars a day- the equivalent of paying a $150 a month car note. She doesn't turn any heads, but I get to keep a lot of money in my pocket and actually know that I can fix problems on my car when they occur. At this stage of my life, that's more important.

Thrift Store Find

Today I went looking for a bike store that used to be in the area but apparently it's moved. So instead, I went thrift store shopping at the Salvation Army.

I love poking around thrift stores. Most of the time I don't buy anything, because I'm not a fan of clutter, but every now and then I find something I want. (Mental Note: If I ever need golf clubs or crutches, go there first.)

Today I was about to give up, when I came across a rack of coats. Normally used clothes don't entice me, because I don't like thinking that someone else has worn it. But I found a grey wool trench coat that looked to be in fairly good condition. It's roughly knee length. If there's anything I hate, it's a short coat. They just look pointless. And since I'm six feet tall, standard coats look strange.

When I got home, I noticed the buttons had little crosses embossed in them. And there was a slit in the back. Odd. I did some checking on the Internet and apparently I had purchased an authentic Swiss military coat. The slit in the back is for horseback riding. They're not worth much, but I didn't see any on sale for less than the $6.41 I paid for it.

I live in Mississippi, so I won't have much use for it, but it'll come in handy for a few weeks at least.

Healthy Turn

For some unexplained reason, I've felt the desire to lead a healthier life. No one pushed me, and my lack of overall health wasn't something that barred me from doing the things I liked to do, since most of the things I did were unhealthy. In other words, I wasn't really upset that I couldn't run a marathon. I'd just sit on the couch, eat a 7-layer burrito from Taco Bell, and tune in to the television.

I tried to jog for a while, but my left knee has always given me trouble- so I turned to a bike.

Also, I've not smoked a cigarette in over three days. I went to Wal-mart on Friday and purchased the Equate version of Nicoderm, the patch that helps you quit. I didn't have so much a problem with the physical aspects of smoking- I'd quit plenty times before- but the mental habit of doing it would lead me astray. When you've smoked for over a year you pick one up without thinking about it. So the patch delivers enough nicotine to keep me sane, but helps me break the habit of actually smoking a cigarette.

Besides from the fact that they itch like hell for the first fifteen minutes, they've worked great. On Saturday, my father-in-law threw a family get together to celebrate a grandkid's birthday, and almost everyone was smoking. I wasn't even tempted, which is saying a lot.

Also, I'm taking a daily multivitman, ester-C, and trying to cut down on my calories in order to lose weight.

Note: I don't want people to think that I'm morbidly obese as I type this. I'm roughly six feet tall and weight 195 pounds. I'm what one would call "T-shirt" overweight. That's where you can hide your gut just fine with a polo shirt or tucked out dress shirt, but it shows if you're just wearing a T-shirt. When I began this odyssey, I was at 205, and quickly approaching "polo shirt" territory, so I knew it was time for a change.

I did some calculations, and apparently I was eating roughly 2900 calories a day. Which was fine when I was eighteen, but isn't so good now. So I'm trying to limit my caloric intake to 1500 calories a day until I'm down to my ideal body weight. Trust me- I'm not anorexic. That said, I'm going to keep going until I reach for my stomach and find nothing to grab.

The first ten pounds flew off, probably because of water loss. Now it's a slow road, but I'm walking it. I'm thinking that the fact that I'm biking everyday had probably muscled up my legs a bit, so that might be why my weight has stabilized.

I know that was probably too much information for the average reader to care about, but I felt like posting it anyway. I find that the things that make me uncomfortable to confront are generally the things that make for the best entries.

Biking Log (Or, Apparently I Suck)

I'm going to start keeping a record of my biking exploits so I have some sort of external motivation to continue. Normally they'll be quite short, but since this is the first one I thought I'd start out with a bit of background.

I bought a $9.24 bike computer today that is amazing- it calculates speed, distance, time, and a whole host of other factors. When I bought it, I couldn't figure out how it did it- it's roughly the size of a large matchbox. When I opened the package, I saw that somehow had figured out an ingenious way to do this.

There's a small magnet that attaches to a spoke. Then you attach a sensor to the frame- less than a millimeter from the magnet- and it calculates your speed based on how often the two pass each other.

(For the nerds out there- you have to input a calculation of the bike diameter, so the distance measurement is accurate.)

I tested it out today for the first time, and this is what I got.

I traveled 6.478 miles in 38 minutes and 19 seconds.
My average speed was 10.2 miles per hour.
My maximum speed attained was 23.4 miles per hour.

That comes to roughly six-minute miles, which is kind of sad. There are tons of people who could have run that distance faster than me. But at least I have ample room for improvement. In my defense, I am riding a fairly heavy bike with mountain bike tires, but still. Hopefully that number will improve.

Lawyer Quotes

I stole these quotes from here, but it appears that many of them are old enough to escape copyright concerns. Also, many people are too lazy to click the link, so I thought I'd save you the time by listing my favorites.

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of saving his bones. ~ Ambrose Pierce

God works wonders now and the,
Behold a lawyer, an honest man. ~ Benjamin Franklin

The lawyer's truth is not truth, but consistency of a consistent expediency. ~ Henry David Thoreau

(I find that quote humorous because it backs up everything I've said about Appellate Advocacy to begin with- how they're teaching us that Truth is relative.)

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. ~ John Keats

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. ~ Mario Puzo

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. ~ Samuel Johnson

StatCounter

I finally allowed public access to my StatCounter data. I'm not a privacy freak or anything- I was just lazy. The link is on the right.

I thought it would be a good addition, as people are naturally curious about what other people are doing. In fact, it's such a good (and free) program that I bet it's already recorded your visit as you're reading this. Click here to find out.

In that vein, I have a question for my usual readers.

How did you stumble across this blog? I'm interested in the little quirks and turns of life that bring ideas together. I am positive there are people who read this blog regularly that found this site by happenstance. I'd like to know exactly how that happenstance occurred.

Feel free to leave a link to your blog in the comments section- that way I'll get to peer inside the heads of my readers.

Irwin

I've tried to wait a while before posting about Steve Irwin's death, out of a modicum of respect. More and more so, the Internet is used as an excuse to say things without a sense of decency or compassion. Anonymity, in whatever form, generally leads to caustic comments. The ability to disagree respectfully goes out the window, and we're left with vituperative diatribes that do nothing to advance the discussion.

I think Steve Irwin's heart was always in the right place. His methods might have been suspect- disturbing wild animals in their natural habitat is always a little iffy- but he meant well. He raised lots of money for wildlife organizations and zoos, especially in his native Australia. So if a crocodile had to be terrorized for a few moments in order to help his brethren, it's probably worth the stress to the crocodile. By the same logic, we capture and track wolves to keep track of them, in order to better protect their numbers in places. I'm sure they don't want to be captured, but it's worth the inconvenience whether they know it or not. I understand the SPCA or some other animal-rights organization called him out on his use of animals to gain publicity- and there's certainly some merit to that- but at least he didn't wrestle them for the sheer fun of it.

I lost a lot of respect for him when he dangled his infant near the crocodile before the crowd at the zoo. I'm sure he thought it was incredibly safe. He's not insane. But I think he overestimated his abilities. Even if there was only a 1% chance that crocodile would attack, it's not a risk worth taking. It's a simple cost/benefit analysis. You risk your life everytime you get in a car to go to work. However, the benefit of going to work and making money is worth the slim risk of getting hurt. Dangling a child near a crocodile carries no benefit- except for the crowd's pleasure, which is pointless- and carries risk. So it's stupid. It smacked of showmanship and turned my stomach. If he wants to risk his own life, that's great. But a defenseless child? That's just plain reckless.

That said, I think his death is more a testament to Nature's power and unpredictability than Irwin's carelessness. One can learn to encounter a crocodile and deal with it effectively time and time again, but a surprise split second near a mostly non-fatal creature can turn out deadly. There's no "standard operating procedure" for animals, and no one can predict with absolute certainty how they'll behave.

I'm fairly sure Irwin wouldn't blame the stingray for what it did. It was simply doing what a surprised stingray does- defend itself. It was just sheer bad luck that the barb hit where it did. Four inches to the left and he'd probably be laughing about it right now. But he wouldn't hold a grudge against the animal. Even though his methods were somewhat flashy and a bit flawed, he always maintained a sense of respect for the animals he encountered.

html

I wish I were better at designing my web page.

I'd really like to put a colored border on either side of the page, but I can't figure out how to do tables and such.

I'll go to websites that have what I'm looking for and look up the "view sources" option with the mouse, and the whole thing looks like Japanese. These guys are WAY beyond my limited skills.

Luckily, I figured out how to make a banner, so I threw that up there. But it'll be awhile before I can come up with anything more clever than that. Sad, but true.

(I'm also posting this to knock off the picture at the bottom- even I'm not vain enough to have two pictures of myself on the same page.)

Doomed to Repeat It?

This quote comes from William Federer about the fall of Rome. There are several eerie parallels, in my humble opinion. Read over it, ruminate, and let it digest. You can always vomit it back up later.

"Rome fell September 4, 476 A.D. It was overrun with illegal immigrants: Visigoths, Franks, Anglos, Saxons, Ostrogoths, Burgundians, Lombards, Jutes and Vandals, who at first assimilated and worked as servants, but then came so fast they did not learn the Latin Language or the Roman form of government. Highly trained Roman Legions moving rapidly on their advanced road systems, were strained fighting conflicts worldwide. Rome had a trade deficit, having outsourced most of its grain production to North Africa, and when Vandals captured that area, Rome did not have the resources to retaliate. Attila the Hun was committing terrorist attacks. The city of Rome was on welfare with its citizens being given free bread. One Roman commented: 'Those who live at the expense of the public funds are more numerous than those who provide them.' Tax collectors were 'more terrible than the enemy.' Gladiators provided violent entertainment in the Coliseum. There was injustice in courts, exposure of unwanted infants, infidelity, immorality and perverted bathhouses. 5th-Century historian Salvian wrote: "O Roman people be ashamed... Let nobody think otherwise, the vices of our bad lives have alone conquered us'."
- William Federer

"The only people who can bring us down [America] is ourselves.
- paraphrase of Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

I think there's enough in there for both Republicans and Democrats to chew on. But I think there's a greater connection than mere political ones. It appears that the best way to destroy a great civilization is not with a weapon, but from within. The societal loss of basic morality, a cultural refusal to practice isolationist policies and economic self-reliance, and multitudes of citizens who only leech from the government's coffers appears to be the hallmarks of doom. Are we there yet? No.

But I fear we're in the ballpark.

Tidbits

After my latest post, my stats dropped substantially. I suppose half my audience doesn't like what I'm saying.

Surely my soul will wither and my flesh will fall from my bones like chaff. Any minute now... Waiting...

Wait. I'm still here.

Generally speaking, this blog is apolitical. (I'm mostly Libertarian, so I sit by while everyone else rips each other to shreds.) One could take my latest post any number of ways- perhaps I believe it, perhaps I feel that was what Bush was really thinking, perhaps I felt that brutal honesty was a better option than fancy speeches. Perhaps it was none of those things. Or all of them. The point is, the reader will see in it what they want. Or what they don't want. Oh well.

Snakes on a plane, I suppose.

Moral of the post: I'd rather talk to myself online than cater to ideologues on either side of the aisle who deal with disagreement by refusing to face it.

Me: Hey, what's going on?
Me: Not much. You?
Me: Just sittin' around, talkin' to you.
Me: Cool.
Me: Hey, I left a comment on your latest post.
Me: Really? Awesome!
Me: Yeah. You're an idiot.

That's what I'm talkin' about. And yes, I'm insane.

The Speech Bush Should Have Given

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe in my heart that what I'm doing is right. You elected me, you re-elected me, and now my job is to lead this country as I see fit, while staying within the parameters set by the United States Constitution and the limits set by the system of checks and balances. I realize my approval rating is in the tank. To be honest, I don't care. I would rather suffer in the arena of public support that see this country lose in the arena of national security. So lambast me, ridicule me, and poke holes in my argument. I don't care. Make fun of the hesitant way I speak or how I blink my eyes while I talk. Don't care.

Terrorists are bastards. Plain and simple. I could hire another fancy speechwriter to come up with words that aren't mine, but I'm tired. They're bastards. They don't understand anything but brute strength, and I'm not looking for an interpreter. Their goals and dreams revolve around us being dead. All of us. Here's hoping they never wake up.

Let me explain what we're doing in Iraq- exactly what they did to us on September the 11th. You see, they knew that more of us would rush in to save our fellow citizens when the towers struck. They used our greatness, our courage, against us that day. When the towers fell (an act beyond their wildest dreams) they killed more because so many of us wanted to stop the loss of life.

I went into Iraq because Saddam had flaunted U.N. resolutions like they were toys. No one knew for sure that he didn't have weapons of mass destruction, and Republicans and Democrats alike fell for the faulty intelligence, faulty intelligence created partly by my father and party by Bill Clinton. So we went in. Now that he doesn't have any weapons, people say it's a bad idea.

Look at it this way- a cop sees a man who has a long prison record standing over a woman in an alley. He goes to investigate. Turns out he's actually helping the woman. The cop made an error in judgment. But was it a mistake to check it out? No. Even if there was a 5% chance that Saddam had a weapon of mass destruction, it was worth it to extinguish that chance. Because Saddam would more than likely sell it or use it or hold us hostage with it.

So now we're in Iraq and everyone's crying to get out. But guess what- we're killing terrorists. Lots of 'em. They're scrambling from all over to try and stop us. And they're dying. Why, pray tell, would terrorists come from all parts of the Middle East to fight us in a country that apparently means nothing to them? Either they want to kill Americans or they realize that a stable and free Iraq is a black mark on their reputation they can't erase. Citizens in their own countries will either move to Iraq or yearn for freedom themselves. Either way, it's a valid reason to stay in the country and stack up the bodies like kindling until we run out of bullets.

So we're using their hatred against them, just as they used our love against us. It's messy, and politically incorrect, but it works.

I'd rather kill every terrorist on the planet and leave office in the most unpopular way possible than go out to standing ovations with bastards and fascists who want us dead still able to harm us and our way of life. So go ahead, make fun of me. I truly don't care.

God bless America."

Insight

I just had what I think is a marvelous observation about the human condition.

The truth doesn't form our opinions- our opinions form our perception of the truth.

Take a person who says, "I hate raccoons." They might not know why, but their opinion will instantly come up with reasons to hate raccoons. They carry rabies, get in garbage, etc.

Take a person who says, "I love raccoons." They might not know why, but their opinion will instantly come up with reasons to love raccoons. They're inquisitive, intelligent, etc.

This is why debate is largely pointless. People believe different things because their personal beliefs and opinions is what controls the scales of truth. A person can believe something that's perfectly wrong because they'll find evidence to support it. Because they want to believe it.

I think our society, as a whole, would be much better off if we would explore the facts with a clear eye before forming an unbiased opinion. Unfortunately, we're all human. So we harbor our biases, prejudices, moral weights, and indoctrinated beliefs as children. Which determine for us not only the life we lead, but how we live it.

Adventures in Bicycling

I've been riding my bike roughly 6-8 miles a day for the last few days. Thanks to this, and the fact that lately I've been eating better, I've lost roughly 6 0r 7 pounds. I'm not fat by any means, but I carry some weight in my stomach. If I lose ten more pounds, I'll be back down to my high school weight.

Bicycling is great fun- the tortures of going uphill gives way to the exhilaration of speeding down. The steeper the hill, the greater the reward. A lot of analogies for life in bicycling, I suppose.

Also, dogs hate bikes for some reason. I've had countless dogs chase me in the past few days.

One of them lives roughly half a mile from my house. Her name is Bell. She's a hairy off-white dog that is very territorial. Looks like a militant ghost as she patrols the perimeter of her yard.

The first day she chased me I was able to get away. I never actually thought she would bite me, but I wasn't willing to test the theory.

On the second day, she grabbed my calf and crunched down. Luckily, I was wearing my blue jeans (couldn't find a clean pair of shorts) so she only barely broke the skin. I wasn't scared due to the event, but there's a certain level of archetypal rattling that occurs when an animal pierces your flesh with its teeth. It's hard to explain, but it's there.

Needless to say, I was a bit wary when I passed by Bell's house the third time. So I decided to get out and walk the bike. It was dimming twilight at this time, and everything had a Blair Witch Project glow to it- that short period of time where the contrast between bright and dark is magnificently cast before fading away into the eventual doom. Just the right kind of light for Bell to glow like a demon before biting off my leg.

Then it gets worse.

Right when I'm halfway past her house, I hear a kid yell in a Children of the Corn type manner, "Buuuuuddddyyy, Beeeelllllllll, Buuuuuuudddddyyy, Beeeeeelllllllllll." He was calling home his beasts. He paused every few moments, but the voice never stopped, never changed. Eerie.

My first thought: "This is what it's like to die."

Second thought: "I think it's time to go."

Bell finally came out, but I was too far gone for her to give chase. However, I'd rather her bite me again that hear that boy singing like that again.

Portraiture

Subtle Shades of Sickness

I'm coming more and more to the realization that I really don't want to become a lawyer.

Why? Because of a class called Appellate Advocacy.

Appellate Advocacy is a class where we write briefs in the defense of our clients to an appellate court. Later we argue these briefs before a fake panel. For our efforts, we receive a grade.

That all sounds great and good, but it's main purpose is to introduce everyone in class to moral relativism. In my small group meetings, this is a normal discussion.

"How can I spin this fact to better help my client?"

"How do I leave this out without making it look like I meant to?"

"Should I say he suffered a serious injury, or just say injury, since it would benefit my client more."

I could feel my soul slipping away.

In advocacy law, perception attempts to become the reality of a given situation. What actually happened isn't important- what lawyers make judges and juries think happened is. Ugh.

I refuse to practice in a career where I have to profess slipshod morals in order to better defend my client. I was raised to believe it's better to lose with honor than win by being a total jackass.

Of course, I could be wrong about that. But I doubt it.

Bought a Bike

A few days ago I went to the Bike Rack, a store in Jackson that sells high-end bicycles. I was wanting to price some road bikes to see what it would take to get started. I prefer to jog, but my left knee gives me fits. I thought this would be a good exercise option.

Well, they had some very nice bikes. Treks. Like the kind Lance Armstrong races. The cheapest one was $750 and weighed 19 pounds. It looked like it would fly.

I thought about it for a while, and decided that I'd better actually prove to myself that this bike riding idea isn't just a short-term thing before I spent that kind of money on a bicycle.

So I went to Walmart and bought a brand new bike for... $53.77. It's heavier, but it gets the job done. And since it weighs more, it takes more effort, and thus you have more exercise. Yesterday I rode it for about six miles and today I took it on a 7.5 mile bike ride. I have to be conservative because I don't yet know my limits, and I have to turn around at some point and bike back home.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to a bike store and pick up "road" tires for it- supposedly it makes a big difference. Right now I'm bumbling about on mountain bike tires.

Radiator Round One

Well, I pulled the old radiator out today. Took a little over an hour. Covered in oil and dirty antifreeze, and my fingers are throbbing from struggling with those rusty spring clips that grip the hoses. But it's done.

Didn't really have many unforseen problems. I began by taking off the fan unit, which bolts onto the radiator itself. Or to be more accurate, I took it halfway off. By the time I tried to Helen Keller the lower bolts a few times with a crescent wrench, I realized that it would simply be easier to disconnect the electrical plugs and pull the whole unit out as one.

That only left the hoses. I actually managed to pull two off clean- the upper radiator and the runoff hose that goes to the reservoir. Considering that I'm fairly sure no one has replaced these clips in at least ten years, I think that's pretty impressive. They'd been rusted shut in a few places.

After taking off two of them, my hands hurt like hell and I was ready to quit. So I grabbed a knife and started hacking. I figured it would make sense to replace all the hoses anyway (they're mighty cheap) if I was going to all this trouble in the first place. I was already in a hundred bucks, so I might as well spring for another thirty or so.

Once I pulled the radiator, I proceeded to separate the blower fans and mounts from the radiator. Unfortunately, I stripped one of the bolts, so one of the blower fans is still mounted to the old radiator. I either need to find a way to remove the bolt, cut the part out and just go with three bolts (which I think would work fine,) or find a new blower fan.

I hope to use another afternoon to prep the car for the new radiator, i.e. full removal of old hoses, fitting of new hoses, etc. Then, I'll use one last afternoon to fit the new radiator into the car. Here's hoping that works.

Back in One Piece

Well, we made it.

Got in late Friday night and went to sleep. On Saturday I headed north to Metropolis, Illinois, which apparently some guy has turned into the de facto Superman capital of the world. I think they even had the original movie phone booth from the Christopher Reeves era, but I couldn't swear to it.

I bought a T-shirt and a baseball cap. For being such a tourist trap, the prices weren't all bad.

Sunday was spent hanging out and visiting Franklin, Tennessee. Apparently Franklin was one of the first cities to be developed around a central courthouse layout.

On Monday, my wife and I took our time driving back home via the Trace, a 440-odd mile stretch that connects Nashville to Natchez. Along the way, we made a coffee detour to Columbia, Tennessee, which happens to be the birthplace of James K. Polk.

I'll fill in the gaps later, but I just wanted to assure my ever-shrinking audience that I haven't given up on the blog.

Nashville Bound

I'm about to leave work, pick up my wife, and drive to Nashville to visit with my sister.

It might be a few days before I'm able to post again. Then again, it might not. I'll just have to see.

At any rate, I'm sure I'll have plenty of blogalicious tidbits to write about when I get back. That's right- I said blogalicious. So sue me.

Happy Labor Day all!