Shameless Attempt to Increase Blog Traffic

Did you know that Paris Hilton plays a cameo in the movie Star Wars III? I won't tell you where she is, but that George Lucas, he's pretty clever. Good times. Have you seen the new sitcom with Pamela Anderson in it? It's so bad it's good, if you know what I mean. The people stand there with blank looks on their faces when people talk to them. I mean, come on, they're not even trying. Isn't the first rule of acting to react?

So, Carrie won American Idol. Shocker of the year, huh? The pretty girl who is obviously an animotronic device won over the bearded guy- Bo Bice- who doesn't photo well- really, who saw that coming? (I heard that when she cried on the finale she almost blew a circuit- they'll have to watch that in the future.)

My wife was bored last night so she tried to watch Britney Spear's Chaotic. She told me after a few minutes she was inspired to turn it off and grab a book. Note to TV execs: your latest creation is so bad its inspiring people to read. You've been warned.

Why is it that popular culture is like a wave- a small faction of society deems something cool and then the whole world jumps on, thereby making it uncool? Poker is a good example. Anime is another. I swear, if I see one one animated guy with blue hair I'm gonna go nuts.

I don't like the WWE. There was a time when wrestling, although fake, was not so soap operish. I don't need to see muscleheads who can't act trying to work out there feelings with bimbos. If I wanted that, I'd still be a teacher. Some of us remember the guys like Junkyard Dog and Hulk Hogan. That's when it was fun.

Can somebody please, please tell me what Lindsay Lohan does. Besides attending the Paris Hilton School of Talent, that is.

I bet all the guys in racing are wiggin' out over Danica Patrick. Consider glass ceiling shattered.

Remember when KaZaa didn't suck? I do. Of course, I remember the glory days of Napster, when you could download entire genome sequences- and every song ever made by Wham!

Did you hear that Brooke Burke was gonna star in the new Dragonball movie? Cause I didn't either.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are in a movie together. I really, really hope it doesn't suck, because divorcing your wife to increase publicity is really a bad move if the movie tanks. I'm just sayin'.

I'm oh so tired of Constantine Mourolis. Everytime I look at him, I'm reminded of the Price is Right girls who made love to the product they were trying to sell while smiling into the camera. One day I swear he's gonna start literally kissing the microphone- the don't make a carpet cleaner strong enough to clean up the projectile vomit which will surely come flying out of my mouth should I ever have to witness that.

I had a dream that I was admired by millions of old women, gay men and prepubescent girls. Then I woke up and realized that I wasn't Clay Aiken after all.

Seacrest out.