Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall...

I've had five and a half Coronas- it'll surely be six by the time this post is done.

Gulp. Gulp.

That said, I feel the need to reflect on the effects alcohol has on my system.

Many writers have turned to the "devil's drink" for inspiration, and I suppose I see why. It relaxes the incessant and ubiquitous internal criticizer that damages every writer. For every writer suffers from a disease known as insecurity. We worry our writing isn't good enough; we worry that other will mock that which comes from our heart and soul.

It is a difficult thing to lay out for the world to see all that which we believe and think. We risk utter rejection and scorn. Such a development would forever silence our viewpoints and beliefs- surely a hell for any writer to weather, much less a young an inexperienced one.

I rarely imbibe alchohol in sufficient quantities to cause any mental impairments. In general, I don't think that's what alcohol does. Alcohol only exaggerates the persona we normally inhabit; it is flame to the gasoline which routinely sits in the recesses of our soul.

I'm positive that at this moment in time, it would be illegal for me to drive in any of the 5o states. My reflexes are sufficiently slowed to the point where driving a motor vehicle would be positively insane.

Allow me to expand that point- anyone who drives drunk is a complete idiot. Of course, there are exceptions (such as an impending nuclear attack, for crying out loud) but 99% of the time, it's a bad idea. In my experience, alcohol doesn't blunt or impede the brain's ability to think- it only slows down the physiological reflexes.

For example, my diction does not decrease with alcohol consumption- if a policeman were to question me, I could bedazzle him with my rapier wit before being led away. By the same token, I am still able to type almost as well. Granted, I make more mistakes, but my inner corrector is still alive and well, going back and cleaning up the mistakes. It might, at most, take 5% more time to write this post than a comparable post written while sober would take to create.

All in all, I rarely drink. I don't think I tried an alchoholic beverage until I was 22. But on occasion, I will drink a bit.

My question is this- are you truly drunk if you're still in charge of your mental faculties? Because I'm not quite sure if it's possible for me to reach that point. I think my body would pass out and shut down before I ever reach that stage.

I understand the legal standard is different (as I said earlier, anyone who drives drunk is an idiot) but I'm of the opinion that alcohol's only significant effects (at least on me) is a slowed reaction time and a mental relaxation. It doesn't effect my ability to think in the least. So those who drive drunk can't blame the alcohol- they were stupid to begin with, the alcohol only gave them an excuse to carry out the stupid thoughts that wandered about in their stupid brains.

Edit: From what I can tell, there are two grammatical errors in the above post. I'm going to leave them as they are for historical purposes. Since I've imbibed alcohol, there could very well be more, but I doubt it. Much like my previous post, alcohol only reinforces the belief that the truth is something we can never know- sober or not.