Motivation
Alexander had his fair share of deserters; Christ had his Pharisees; Lincoln had his detractors; I have my first period. I'm not enough of a lunatic to compare myself to those three individuals, but I think it does prove the point that even the greatest people in history failed to motivate everyone. There will always be those who refuse guidance and help every time it is offered to them, no matter the circumstances. 90% of my students have enough common decency that they want help and want to learn, even if they won't admit it.
I cannot wait to quit teaching, if only so I'll never have to see anyone from first period again. They can't comprehend the underlying social fabric that binds us all together, and as a result every time I interact with them a piece of my own fabric is destroyed. I am not strong enough to face the full brunt of their ignorance on a daily basis, and I find my ideals corroding and ebbing a little bit more each day.
I have thirty-two days remaining. What a sweet blessed freedom it will be.
I cannot wait to quit teaching, if only so I'll never have to see anyone from first period again. They can't comprehend the underlying social fabric that binds us all together, and as a result every time I interact with them a piece of my own fabric is destroyed. I am not strong enough to face the full brunt of their ignorance on a daily basis, and I find my ideals corroding and ebbing a little bit more each day.
I have thirty-two days remaining. What a sweet blessed freedom it will be.
posted by Yorick at 8:47 PM
6 Comments:
For what it's worth, I'm sad to hear you say you can't wait to quit teaching. After more than a decade in the profession, I understand the frustration you're feeling. It seems that this time of year is especially difficult, and it's the time of year I always question my purpose in this field.
But I also know this...the profession NEEDS people like you. I don't know you at all, really, but from what I read of your blog, you just GET IT. SO many teachers don't GET why they do what they do. They don't GET that the purpose of this work is not to get kids to memorize facts, dates, tables and charts. The purpose is to get them thinking, get them to see the connections between history, literature, current events, number patterns, the natural world. We have the incredibly great job of helping children discover and realize what they believe, what they think, what they wonder and what they know. The teachers who are truly gifted never stop exploring those things themselves. They are the ones who question everything, delve into topics about which they feel passion, are motivated and driven to understand the world and human nature. What those teachers bring to the classroom is immeasurable and the only hope we have in education to undo what administrations and government and politicians are doing to our craft.
When I read your blog, I feel like you're one of the gifted ones. Being a good teacher isn't about classroom management or lesson plans. It's about guided thoughtful exploration and discovery. You do that in your blog every day, you must do it in your classroom. We rarely realize the fruits of our labors. Of every 50 children we teach, we see the true spark of the power of learning in a select few. But believe it or not, you're affecting them all. They may not realize it now, and they certainly won't let on if they do, but you are.
I don't know if you'll give this profession a second chance, but know this...the work you did in a short amount of time made a difference to someone.
Thanks for the kind words.
Your temerity astounds me, and no small part of my being wishes I could share your passion for the job. I had it once, but it slipped away when I wasn't paying attention. And without the passion, I am merely a zombie filling a teacher's shoes. I am doing my best to teach with this knowledge in hand, however, because the last thing I want to do is to be detrimental to the process of learning. The students don't deserve to suffer through my rants about why I hate certain aspects of teaching, so I put on a brave face and suffer through it.
Hence, the blog you're reading now. It allows me to vent in (relative) safety and anonymity.
Growing up, I lived in a cocoon. My parents lived together and loved each other (they still do, by the way), no one I knew died until I hit college, and I attended higher-level courses where I was surrounded by students who wanted to learn. Somewhere along the way I never met the students I teach today. I'm sure they existed, but our schedules were so different that we never crossed paths.
This is why I'm not an effective teacher. In high school I wouldn't have chosen to spend time with these individuals, so it's not terribly natural for me to spend four years of my life earning a degree so I can sit with them in the same room for 180 days a year. I would love to teach higher-level courses but almost every high school in the country gives that slot to the person who's worked there the longest, regardless of their ability level. So I'm stuck teaching individuals who are so coarse and lacking in human sensibility that I am shocked on a daily basis. After a few months, I begin to question my own perspectives and opinions on matters, which is normally healthy. In this case, however, I feel myself being drawn into their culture of self-importance, violence, and noncommunication. They are, whether they know it or not, engaging in a systematic program to fundamentally alter my personality. 180 days is a long time. I am sure I'm not the person I was when I started. I only hope that by the end of this, they'll be enough of "me" left to find the missing pieces.
I've you've done this for ten years, you truly have a gift. I applaud you even as I realize my own shortcomings.
I hear you. I really do. So that begs the question...
What do you want to do?
And thanks for the kind words, too. I don't think I really have a gift, but I know this is the work I'm supposed to do, that's all.
There have been many times I didn't think I'd be able to stick it out in this job, but changes happened that renewed my work ethic and bought me some more time. But let me tell you this...if and when I have a child of my own, I'll give it all up for that, because raising a family is what I really want to do. Teaching is just what I do in the meantime.
I'm excited about what you might do after this year, and I hope you'll keep blogging about it. You're a great writer.
I'll be attending law school in the fall. I feel that it's the logical next step for an English teacher to take. This combined with my pedantic love of reading and research made the decision quite easy. I plan to blog on the experience extensively.
I posted previously about how important I feel it is for every child to have one parent at home, at least during the early years. Teaching is a very important job, but nowhere near as important as being a great parent. Earning a paycheck is pointless if your children turn out to be directionless heathens with no moral fiber. I'm glad somebody else understands that.
I'll be attending law school in the fall. I feel that it's the logical next step for an English teacher to take. This combined with my pedantic love of reading and research made the decision quite easy. I plan to blog on the experience extensively.
I posted previously about how important I feel it is for every child to have one parent at home, at least during the early years. Teaching is a very important job, but nowhere near as important as being a great parent. Earning a paycheck is pointless if your children turn out to be directionless heathens with no moral fiber. I'm glad somebody else understands that.
Your comments re: parents who stay at home vs. parents who work are proof of your inexperience on many fronts. making such overbroad, uninformed and inexperienced conclusions will not serve you well once you hit law school. obviously everyone's entitled to an opinion, but it's best if it's grounded in at least some minimal amount of knowledge and interest in the world outside your narrow view.
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